I am not Catholic, so I’m not sure how this whole confession thing works but I’ll give it a shot. Or maybe it’s like attending an AA meeting, “hi I’m Jules and It’s been 314 days since my last blog post”. Whew, I feel…mildly relieved and somewhat disappointed. Why the break? Words over those missing months never seemed to unjumble, time sped away, and well, I took a break.
My focus turned to growing myself as an educator and learner. During this time, I developed a new vision of a learner for myself and my students. Excited I launched into pet projects, volunteered on interesting committees, and searched endlessly for a big “aha” moment to bring me back the passion that I seemed to lack. What I found more than anything was stress, a longing for when teaching was more fun less paper driven, and through it all, my self-made mountain to the teaching promised land of high fives and power leader thumbs up, dead ended. Instead the mountain became Mount Everest and I was/am low on oxygen. And the view is the same.
When I made the tough decision to let blogging fall behind as I focused on this taxing professional goal, I lost a bit of myself. Writing had become a sanctuary for vexing ideas, and I was lost. My free time, if having three kids allows for it, was spent working on a district chat, increasing numbers in a volunteer student group, starting a makerspace group, growing my educational community; becoming a better teacher.
While the “thanks Ms Z”, sly high schooler smile, or seeing a face light up in Makerspace is fulfilling and can turn gray days to sunny times, I need to make some changes that give me some time to rejuvenate. Perhaps saying a few more no’s to others and adding more me time will part the writing clouds and cause words of wonder to rain upon me.
Like a soprano practicing to hit the elusive high notes, I find myself rehearsing the word no. Currently it’s pianissimo. With confidence, crescendo will be around the corner. Then I can change the tune to a bit more me, me, me, me. Sounds harmonious, right?