family, parenting

It’s Hard

Marriage is hard. There I said it.

Forget the movies of all happy moments, cheery smiles, and love music. Sure there are bits of that, most would agree. But there are also times of no talking, uncertainty, hurt feelings, and distrust. Why?

Because, marriage is a continuous learning curve! If it’s not, hmm, seems boring.

Sure, we might argue over who loaded the dishwasher wrong. Or why one didn’t follow me the loosely knit, not written in stone, parenting agreement. Or perhaps, why did you do that? I cannot believe you said this.

If we didn’t have these moments, how would we continue to go as a couple? How could we learn more deeply about each other? How would I discover more reasons why I love him?

Is it hard? Hell yeah! Is it stressful? Of course! Then why?!?!

Simply put, because without this marriage and hurdles, I wouldn’t have grown into the person I am today. Those rough patches, the stress, the tears, are what bring us closer and help us dig deeper. Together.

Remember that the next time you see someone on social media talking about Mr Fabulous or amazing Mrs Perfect or kissy kissy face blah blah blah.

That’s not reality, that’s a false faced love bug. Don’t get envious, don’t follow. Stay your course. Because real love is the arguing over who left the van windows open when rain was forecast, wondering why you let the kids eat stew for breakfast, or whose fault it was that one missed an appointment. And if you throw kids into the mix. A new set of marriage pressures, responsibilities, and a new kind of love to share.

It’s how you get through these moments, that’s where the love is. The real heart of marriage.

Dig your heels in and hold on, that is marriage.


What is love?

Our love is…

sharing family duties without arguing who does what around the house

the ability to read one’s mind and using it to shut up or share

playing effortless zone defense without uttering a word

saying thank you for the big moments (scraping the ice off the entire driveway) or small (wiping messy faces)

knowing that complimenting a hair cut, no matter how small the trim job, is important

starting the car in the morning so that my 10 minute drive is warm and toasty

knowing that a bag of pistachios and a Starbucks Refresher beats a box of chocolate

warming up my lunch at school each day

leaving the shower on so I can just hop in

watching you fall asleep while little E styles your hair saying, “shh mommy, papa’s sleeping”

Love is so much more than a diamond ring, a dozen roses.  It is the little things everyday.  I do not need a Valentine’s Day gift to know how much you love me, I have the daily, hundreds of reminders warming my heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day!